come back later....

and what dear god is on the other side of want?

by eleven she's begin boarding at hangzhou international year round. herr father pays for your expenses and keeps track of her grades, but is otherwise silent and uninvolved in her life. she knows this isn’t a normal family structure; she sees friends with loving parents, being doted on, being spoiled, and she looks at her own life: no letters, no care packages, no presents, just a cold and lonely house to return to for the summers. it burns in her, the hatred, the jealousy, the anger—her mother said she was meant for greater things than this, but she can see her future self consigned to the shadows: always ignored, forgotten, and in the way. you refuse to let that be your fate, so she goes further; south korea.
iii. in high school, for the first time in her life, she doesn’t feel clever. korean is clumsy on her tongue. she can’t express yourself the way she wants to. the academics are easier; the standards of hangzhou were much higher, in your opinion. but grades mean little in this new country, this new school culture.

she never wanted to come here, ripped away from her old life and everything that gave her even a sliver of happiness. here she is in the shadows again, a strange foreign girl without a voice. ignored, forgotten, in the way. she learns. she adapts. a snake sheds its skin twice a year; she can do it once.
and when she had settled in her own apartment in korea, fresh out of high school she had nothing. believed in nothing. what else has she left to do but elect for more years in her second home? a home away from the turmoil that stormed the yang household. naught. that’s why she’s here, anyway. that’s why she schemes, year after year. a plan to pave a road to the top. brick by bloody brick. higher than her family’s legacy. freedom should taste like something sweet, but hers is laced with some bitterness.

i want that too.

my want is so wide i cannot cross it .

name: yang regan/ yang ruoxi. d.o.b: 29.12
height: 163cm. hobbies: writing, collecting vintage chanel pieces, buying expensive perfume and never using it, watching the crown, collecting stationery, going to art museums.

description: loves the color black, white and pink. sibling to a older brother. sports ponytails and half-up do's religiously. semi-formal dressing most of the time: a-line skirts, frilly blouses, kitty heels and designer bags. cut-hroat in academics, driven, ambitious, will appear quite sociable at first. cunning, calculative and opportunistic by nature. says "period" way too much, owns two standard poodles called dolce and gabbana. a protective and somewhat playful character with close friends. regan is bright. she is silly, cute, all pouts and smiles. saccharine sugar in every word. a twinkle in her stare, an aura that draws people in. willing to socialize with anyone. friends with everyone.

roxanne: her lifeline, bestfriend. around rox, regan is not glossy try-hard self. she thinks, perhaps, without you, she’d be a tad bit more insane.hero: softness she’d likely eat for breakfast. in short, hero is the direct opposite of what she has built herself up to be. she has this fondness for the girl she can’t quite put her finger on.

y/n: in life there are choices made solely for the benefit of a better living. a pact made for the sake of power and benefits.y/n: it is difficult to describe the push and pull dynamic. in another life, she claims she’d love them. in this life, regan is just as quick to snap her jaws around the incessant fluttering in her chest and leave them confused.

timezone: gmt -6, but my schedule is thoroughly messed up + i'm a perpetually tired full-time student, so my time online is very sporadic.

muse does not equal mun. mun does not condone or endorse muse's actions. mun will always speak in parenthesis. not affiliated with the real wang yiren, everglow or yuehua.